Unemployment: day 55

I visited to a shopping street festival in my neighborhood. The shopping street was not big, but there were enormous people. My son enjoyed the shops such as cotton candy, shaving ice, and lottery. At the lottery shop, he hit a special grade, so he got a educational toy.

Correct version

I visited a shopping street festival in my neighbourhood. The shopping street was not large, but there were a huge number of people. My son enjoyed stalls such as cotton candy, shaved ice, and a lottery. At the lottery stall, he won a special prize, so he received an educational toy.

IELTS Improvement Points

Collocation:

visit place
　→ Correct form is I visited a shopping street festival, not visited to. “Visit” is a transitive verb and doesn’t take “to.”

a huge number of people
　→ More natural than enormous people, which incorrectly suggests the people themselves were very large. Correct phrase for crowds.

win a prize
　→ The natural collocation is win a prize (not hit a grade). Used for competitions, lotteries, exams, etc.

educational toy
　→ Correct collocation for toys designed to support children’s learning. Common in both everyday and formal English.

Template:

Although [X] was not [adjective], there were [result].
　→ Example: Although the street was not large, there were a huge number of people. A useful contrast structure for Task 2 essays.

[Subject] enjoyed [activities/experiences] such as [examples].
　→ Clear listing structure. Example: She enjoyed activities such as swimming, hiking, and cycling.

Vocabulary:

neighbourhood (BrE spelling)
　→ Correct British spelling; American English is neighborhood. Important in IELTS Writing to show awareness of BrE.

stall
　→ More accurate than “shop” in the context of festivals or markets. Example: food stalls, game stalls.

shaved ice
　→ Correct phrase (not shaving ice). Refers to finely crushed ice dessert.

prize
　→ More natural than “grade” in this context. A prize is a reward for winning.