Unemployment: day 21
Today my son and I made a hamster with Petite Block. My son was interested in the block recently. He saw the block in his after school day care service.
The block size is less than 1 cm. So treating the block is difficult for him, he is not good at precise hand work. However, he concentrates in playing the block and also gets fun. I think that it might be a training his hand work.
The block is sold in Daiso. Why not you present it your child?
Reference
Correct version
Today, my son and I made a hamster using a Petite Block set. He has recently become interested in these blocks after seeing them at his after-school daycare.
Each block is less than 1 cm in size, so handling them is quite difficult for him as he isn’t very good at precise handwork. However, he concentrates well while playing with them and really enjoys it. I think it might help train his fine motor skills.
These blocks are sold at Daiso. Why not give one to your child as a present?
IELTS Improvement Points
Collocation:
“fine motor skills”
→ A common term in education/child development, used to describe small hand movements. More accurate than “hand work.”
“concentrates well”
→ “Concentrates in” is incorrect. “Concentrates well” is a natural way to describe someone’s focus.
“give [something] as a present”
→ This is a standard and polite way to suggest gifting something. “Present it your child” is ungrammatical.
Template:
“He has recently become interested in…”
→ Useful Present Perfect structure for describing recent and still-relevant interest or experience.
“Each [item] is less than…”
→ A useful quantification template when describing the size or characteristics of something.
“Why not give [someone] [something]?”
→ Polite and conversational way of making a suggestion. More natural than “Why not you present it…”
Vocabulary:
“using” (a tool/set)
→ “Made a hamster with a block” is understandable but “using” is more idiomatic and precise in this context.
“after-school daycare”
→ Clear and appropriate vocabulary for non-school care settings. “After school day care service” is wordy and less natural.
“handling”
→ More suitable than “treating” when referring to managing small objects with hands.
“enjoys it”
→ “Gets fun” is incorrect. “Enjoys it” is the correct phrase to express pleasure from an activity.
