Unemployment: day 61
Today was my son’ birthday, he became 8 years old. Additionally, we also celebrated my daughter’ birth today. This was because I will not be home at her birthday, latest September, since I will be training for JOCV. So we had a party for both two children. We eat a Minecraft cake and a fruit platter that I reserved last week. And the main dish was Kabsa, a middle eastern dish, which my son loved. We enjoyed the party.
References
Correct version
Today was my son’s birthday, and he turned eight years old. In addition, we also celebrated my daughter’s birthday today, because I will not be at home on her actual birthday later in September, as I will be training for JOCV. So, we held a joint party for both children. We ate a Minecraft cake and a fruit platter that I had ordered last week, and the main dish was Kabsa, a Middle Eastern dish that my son loved. We really enjoyed the party.
IELTS Improvement Points
Collocation:
turn [age]
→ Natural way to say someone’s new age (e.g., “He turned eight”). More idiomatic than “became 8 years old.”
celebrate [someone’s] birthday
→ Correct collocation. Saying “celebrated my daughter’s birth” is misleading (sounds like the day she was born).
order a cake / fruit platter
→ More natural than “reserve a cake.” “Reserve” is for seats/tables, not usually for food.
joint party
→ Common phrase for one party held for two people. Better than “party for both two children.”
Template:
because I will not be at home on [occasion], we celebrated it today
→ Useful IELTS structure to explain timing or reasons clearly.
The main dish was [food], which [person] loved.
→ Handy sentence pattern to add detail and personal reaction.
Vocabulary:
actual birthday
→ Used to distinguish the real date from an alternative celebration day.
in addition / additionally
→ Cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly in essays or speaking.
